Ode to My Stone...

Lets recap shall we?! So approximately THREE weeks ago I wake up on Friday morning and seriously can NOT move. I could have sworn someone had jabbed a knife in my back just below my lungs on my left side, the pain woke me up from sleeping at 6 am... a time which usually does NOT exist for me and nothing would help, not a hot pad, not laying down or standing or sitting... oh man, NO BUENO. So I wait until 9am and head to Insta-Care.... I wait FOREVER and in walks Mrs Nurse Practitioner. Asking me tons of questions and then saying my symptoms resemble those of a possible kidney stone. Great. I can thank my dad for that... wait, no, that is the one trait I DO NOT thank him for passing along! Mrs Nurse Practitioner offers a CAT scan and reports that there's a calcium something in there, so she's just going to treat me as if it's a stone. So basically she LOADED me up with my first ever Lortabs and 800 mg ibruprofen and sent me on my way... So I call my dad and do some research... lets just say NO one I know who has had stones are huge fans of them. So here's what I'm picturing...
My dad assures me it's gonna be painful but I'll be cool when I'm done cause I'll join a brotherhood of stone passers, which is always cool to be in a group right?! Ya, NOT WORTH IT! So I spend my whole President's Day Weekend and Valentine's day waking up in pain, laying around and doping up... lets just say ibruprofen 800 does nothing for me at this point... and if I have to see another glass of this I'm gonna puke...
On Sunday I woke up in the worst pain of my life. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to just be. I seriously felt like I was in labor... lets say, I'm in NO hurry to punch a kid out! I was puking and couldn't keep anything down, so Cody and I load up in the car and as we're getting ready to head to the ER, the pain stops.... so we go back in the house, I drink another glass of water, and pass out for a nap....
So a week goes by, I call in sick to work every morning Monday- Wed and then suck it up, dope myself up enough and work for the afternoons. I'm sorry for any tax payers that may have had to deal with me, hopefully it was entertaining!
Weekend #2 comes along and STILL in pain, and now I'm out of pain meds... so I go to Insta-care visit #2.... In walks Sports Med Dr... great, seriously.. do MD's even work at Insta-Care?! He confirms I had calcium in my kidney and a few other stones sitting in my OTHER kidney. Great. He fills me ANOTHER precription for pain and sends me on my way, telling me if it hasn't changed in a week to see a Urologist. Such hope from Insta-Care, and I still haven't gotten the bill....
SO! Now I'm studying more, hearing more horror stories and have images of this passing a tiny tube in my body...
PS... when i catch mine, I'm naming him SPIKE, it's official. (original, i know.)

So here's where my little 'jewel' has to travel...
Easy right? Ha ha ha, oh the irony. So now my dad, my friend Phil, my boss David... all of which are part of mentioned Stone Brotherhood are checking with me everyday to see if I've passed this literal pain in my back... nothing....
As you may know, my birthday is fast approaching by this time, and I've been anticipating a ski trip to Brianhead since about Christmas time, I'll be dipped if I don't get to go and have to spend my bday in bed! Anyways, my current status is wake up, eat 3 crackers, take a Lortab, sleep for 3 more hours and then I'm fine. A lovely routine... NOT. Luckily by my birthday I'm feeling better so we trudge up the mountain.... read my bday post for ski/bday details.
Anyways, back to my stone... so I wake up at 1am the day after my bday in WICKED pain. So I take a Lortab, walk around for 30 min, nothing. Take another Lortab, walk around my house for an HOUR... nothing. I'm exhausted and this just ain't right. So I wake up my roomies and we all pile in the car at 2:30 am and head to the ER. I was waiting to puke or passout.... they check me in, put me in a room, and the pain GOES AWAY. You've got to be kidding me. Not to mention this is my first time to the ER. FINALLY an actual MD walks in, bless my soul! He says, ok, so I saw your CAT scan from a couple weeks ago.... good news is.... you DON'T have a kidney stone, or any stones in your kidneys at all.... bad news is, you're still in pain. So he tested my blood, and my pee again and I he told me I'm a 'healthy speciman' in regards to my blood, but I have white blood cells in my urine. He says, you probably had a urinary tract infection and it's just gone untreated, so now it's just moved to your bladder... SERIOUSLY?! Not to mention, we get home from the ER at 6am.... our whole house took a bit of a nap!
SO, in conclusion....
1. it's official, I don't hate anything, butI HATE Insta-Care and will NOT go there again unless... no, pretty sure never.
2. Medicine works! The ER gave me some pills to numb my bladder, but also makes my pee the color of orange soda, which is kind of fun to see that it only takes about 20 minutes to kick in or cycle through or whatever you wanna call it!
3. It's been confirmed by an actual DOCTOR: I do not, nor never did have a kidney stone :( I thought I'd have something to show for my pain, shoot I probably would carry the thing around in a baggie bragging about what I'd just accomplished, or made a necklace out of it or something... but much to my dismay I will not be joining the Stone Brotherhood afterall... which is kind of a bummer, but not really.
4. I am SO grateful to my family, Cody and my 2 lovely roommates for seeing me at my worst and being so willing to help me, I REALLY couldn't have done it without you.